Funny thoughts about life...

I don't own this. Some of these are old than I am. I don't know who wrote these. I don't get why I'm showing these to nobody. Eh...they're funny. :)

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That’s enough, Nickelback. 

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message board or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

-How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I trying to finish a text.

-Was learning cursive really necessary?

-LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”. (Alice: I strongly believe in this one BTW. And I’m thinking of someone on this site when I post it. Worried yet?)

-I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

-Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

-How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

-I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

-Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)…ummm…Goonies”

-While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

-MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

-Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

-Bad decisions make good stories.

-Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem.

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

-“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

-I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new person, I’m terrified of mentioning something they haven’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

-As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, trying to find that one pair of earrings, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I bet my bottom everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. Thank you, for making me feel fat.

I agree with most of those. Especially the LOL one. Come on people. Try a little harder. ^^

Mwahahaha,
-Alice :D

The Paradox of Our Time

My US History teacher read this to us this last friday. I think it holds a good message, so I'm posting it here as my "once in a blue moon" serious moment. ^^ I didn't write this. It was originally thought to have been written by George Carlin, a comedian, but now is thought to actually have been written by Dr. Bob Moorehead. Enjoy, nobody. :D

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less
and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer,
to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the
stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time
when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember,
to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all
mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak
and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away."

Always falling, always loving, always hoping,
-Alice :)

Meh and such.

I GOTSA HAIRCUT! And school is tomorrow! Yush! And NOOOOOOOOO! I have conflicting emotions....
Scarlet: NO! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!
Louis: Thank God...
Todd: Yes! *fist pump* SCHOOL.
Terry: Eh...it'll be good for us...
Sam: Yeah...probably good to be doing something useful...
Twins: NO MORE SCHOOL! NO MORE SCHOOL!
No more school?
Twins: *look at each other* NO SCHOOL EVER! NO SCHOOL EVER!
*facepalm*
AJ: School...?
You're not going.
AJ: But-
Why are we even ON here???
Scarlet: Because you dragged us-
Twins: MUH MUH MUH POKER FACE, MUH MUH POKER FACE!
T.T I regret coming on here...
...
Everyone: HOORAH!
*sighness*
Bravely going nowhere, doing nothing, with slightly shorter hair,
-Alice

I'd like to make myself believe...that planet Earth turns slowly...

I really have no idea why I'm on here besides "why not?" and now the twins are mad I stole their line, right guys?
Till: Well, slightly.
Wrevor: It's no fun if you don't have someone else to say "not why?" to complete the train of thought.
What train of thought? Speaking of Train though...uh...well...not really actually. I have nothing to say on here. I sincerely wonder why I'm here.
AJ: Where is here?
Ooooh dear...
Till: It's a blog!
Wrevor: Which no one reads.
Till: Besides Jen.
Wrevor: Occasionally.
Very occasionally. In fact, it IS an occasion when she gets on here and I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm spelling "occasion" wrong.
AJ: Why'd you say 'oh dear'? Or whatever.
Because now I have to explain you!
Scarlet: Why? No one reads this.
But what if somebody, in a fit of insanity actually stumbled across here, and then they wouldn't know who he even is!
Louis: Well, then they should follow your link to your writing and he will be explained there.
T.T That's the boring way...Anyways, people, this is AJ, AJ, the people (i.e. Jen who already knows who you are and therefore it is lost to us why we're introducing him again)/random stumbling person who will probably never actually come along, but if they do, we're at least explained.
Terry: Well, at least our record is straight.
AJ: And anyway, don't think they've already figured out my name by now? You've typed it at least three times.
Well-I-but-er...SO???
Till: What? I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves and I don't need you!
Wrevor: And guess what, I'm havin' more fun. And now that we're done, I don't wa-ant you tonight!
Sam: Didn't you guys already sing that?
Till: Well, what do you want us to sing?
I don't know. I'm somewhere in between "Be Our Guest" and "All That Jazz."
Wrevor: Hmm...that's interesting.
That's it?
Twins: *nods*
...anyone actually have anyone important to say?
Scarlet: Not really.
Louis: I didn't want to be here in the first place. I'm still missing my soap, by the way.
Todd: OMG! LOOK! WICH!
AJ: WHERE???
He means a sandwich.
Sam: Yeah, and it's MINE, so don't think about taking it!
Twins: *look at each other* *run off to probably get something to steal Monica's sandwich*
Terry: *facepalm*
*sigh* *turns off computer...er...well, you know what I mean*
Terry: No we don't!
AJ: Yeah, I'm confussled still.
*rolls eyes* WELL, too bad because I'M not explaining it.
Twins: *jump out of nowhere and attack Monica with something inbetween peanut butter and paperclips*
Sam: AH! *runs*
AJ: *hides*
Terry: *ducks behind the couch*
Scarlet: DOES ANYONE WANT SUSHI???
Everyone: YES! *run into Scarlet's tunnel to Japan*
Twins: GIVE UP THE SANDWICH!
Sam: NEVER!!!