Hell Week: Imminent

It's coming and I want time to stop.

8 AM-12 PM--summer gym

2 PM-friggin' 9 freaking PM (seriously? SERIOUSLY???? Yes.)--boot camp for Marching Band.

Anyone who says that isn't a sport can go jump off a cliff. Or come to our practice.

My only happiness with this is that, hopefully, I'll keep on losing weight, which I desperately need to do...

*sigh* Invisible people...welcome to the saga of Hell Week.

I am dreading it. I wish I could stop time.

Too bad I can't.

I wish band wasn't so dang long. Or if I could march. At all. Of course, I can't. I seriously suck. I would guess that I am one of the worst people there. ...I would kick me off if I could. I'm sure they would. I'm just a liability. That, and I'm mediocre at best of a player.

I'm really sick of being the worst at EVERYTHING. I'm at the back of the class for gym and for Marching Band. It gets irritating. It's the physical activity.

That + out of shape, uncoordinated me = aches and pains and failures.

On the bright side, I did an awesome mile last week. On the downside, I'll never do it again...

Meh.

I'm tired.

Still wishing time would stop and that this week would never start,
-Alice

Yeah, well...

If I had titling ideas, I swear I'd write them.
I swear.
You don't believe me.
Fine then.
Be a jerk, just like my Blogger account that feels the need to connect to my family's stupid Comcast email account. I had to change my password and now I never remember it. It's miracle I'm here.

*sigh*

Okay. Fine. Deep breath.

Ever regret something? I regret my URL. Now it's just gonna make people look at me weird...Fail. It's not even spelled right. Oh well. No one reads this anyways. Unless they're INVISIBLE.
...
Hi invisible people!

AJ: *singing* Deniiiiaaaal....

*glares* Anyways, yeah and such. I've been busy. I managed to finish NaNoWriMo (HUZZAH!). It was a fail, but oh well. You know. That was my goal from the start.

I seriously annoy myself sometimes.

I have stuff to talk about but I'm too lazy. Oh well.

-Alice

Random pictures...

Caption: A miniskirt-obsessed, dog-loving, morally-bankrupt, hydrophobic pyro with a god complex. Need I say more?

That is why we love him.

O.O I never thought of that before. But it's true...O////O

Alone..

More than usual...my Camp-No Novel freakin' sucks...I hate it...I have a sort of plan, but that really didn't help much...maybe it's just this chapter...who know?

Reading City of Lost Souls...sadly...it goes something like this:

Clary getting bitten by a snake thing...? Oh...darn... *flips a few pages forward* Ooh Simon! *skips over Clary-Jace-Sebastian part* *a little while later* *stuck in a Jordan-Maia part* Uuuuggh...*flips ahead to find Simon-Magnus-Alec-Isabelle* Craaaaap...five more pages.... *keeps reading*

*sigh* Also, Magnus, even, is starting to break down. We know that means trouble if HE'S breaking down...he's also stuck in Dangerously Sarcastic Mode. Which is never good...I always forget how young he is....I should be writing...

Meeeeeh,
-Alice

This is Michael Buckley. He has something to say.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I have this posted on my profile on Fictionpress. This is a topic I feel really strongly about, and I know is a really hot debate now, especially with the presidential elections coming up.

I don't understand why people are so worked up about this...? I mean, I guess because it's in the Bible.

Fine. I'm a Lutheran. You know what else is in the Bible, in that same section?

Well, you're saying, you're gay and you go to hell (like it's a choice, but just roll with me, haters).

Have you ever eaten shrimp? Shellfish?

Whoops. I guess you are too.

Times have changed, people. I think it's time we get over ourselves and keep our noses out of other people's business.

I could list statistics. I could say a lot. I just want an honest answer, no hater crap. Why the heck do you think that this is so wrong? What business is it of yours? Is it...disrupting you? Your life? No. It's THEIR choice. I guess we'll see when we die, but until then, live your own life instead of others' and you'll be LOT happier.

I just don't get it.

It makes me sad and it makes me heart hurt. The man in the video above is wonderful and has a lot to say. Love is love. It's not a choice. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I will fight this battle.

Land of the free? We know that's not true. Look at the wars, the deaths, the racism, everything. I'm not gonna go hating on heterosexuals because it's not my place to say stuff about how divorce rates are higher and so on, because I am one of them. *shrugs* So, you know, I won't.

I could say a lot.

But, I, like Ghandi, opt for silence.

I won't say anything more on this subject.

I wish more people could see this, not that they would care at all.

Please stop the hate,
-Just another girl living in America and wishing she could change it

Ps. And no. I don't care what people say about me, if you haven't noticed. Haters gonna hate. I post this with all seriousness because I feel strongly about it. I could do the same for racism. Maybe I will.
Just some thoughts...

YES!

I AM DONE WITH MY STUPID WEEK-TO-DO-A-GIANT-RESEARCH-PERSUASIVE-POWERPOINT-PRESENTATION-PROJECT ON POWER AND LEADERSHIP!!!
YES. THANK YOU GOD!
IT'S OVER!
Now, all I have to worry about is the science unit test next week, whatever the stupid band meeting is tomorrow, the presentation, the math final that will count on my high school GPA, packing for D.C. and so on too!
I fainted today! Aren't you so happy, nobody reading this? I fear everyone is ignoring me or too busy to look at this anymore...
Oh, I drew a pic of Tori! Cami, if you read this, wanna see it?
I think I'm getting better at drawing...I don't really like her face still, but it's getting better I think. I really like her epic boots, though.
I was wondering for a while where Ed's epic boots went, then I realized that he and Ling ate them...*sigh* I miss those boots. They were epic...*pouts*
Anyways, since I'm rambling for nothing as I've been being ignored here (understandable) and in my writing (slightly irritating, but it really wasn't all that great of a chapter, a, and b, Cami doesn't actually read my stuff, do you Cami? I was under the impression you got busy and stopped about half way through it all...this is what I get for writing intimidatingly long chappies....)
Eh, well...
^^
Toodles,
-Alice

The REAL Truth

Mwhahahahaha...

How to Put Your Foot in Your Mouth: by One of Our Presidential Candidates

http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/news-politics/20120510/US.Romney.Gays/

Please click for Lesson #1.

...

We are dust.
And to dust we shall return.
I cause but pain.
I am but pain.
Take it all away.
What's left?
Nothing.
Worth latter.
Lesser.
Looser.
Tighter.
Strain.
Pity?
No.
Punishment.
All or none
Both
Stay as such.
For such.
For none
Forget me not?
Hardly
Love me not?
Please

Line discussion

Yes Camille. This is your fault. I feel ever so sorry for Travis and Vic and this thing that has been forced upon them. But it made me laugh...and...well...^^ xD Poor guys.

Star Signs

Your element: Air

Your ruling planets: Mercury

Symbol: The Twins

Your stone: Aquamarine

Life Pursuit: To explore a little bit of everything.

Vibration: Intense mental energy

Gemini's Secret Desire: To be ahead of the crowd
In ancient Greek mythology, Gemini's ruler - Mercury, was the light-footed messenger of the gods who darted back and forth across the heavens delivering news - which might explain why those born under the sign of the 'Twins' are always on the move; thirsty for knowledge and new experiences. Terminally curious and sometimes even mischievous, Geminis are multi-faceted souls who enjoy knowing a little bit of everything but generally not too much about one particular subject. It's just that variety is the spice of their lives!

In Astrology, Geminis have also gained the reputation of being the incessant talkers of the zodiac. Those Twins that don't have the 'gift of the gab' are usually talented writers or have a special interest in foreign languages. In love, they look for a partner who can keep up with them mentally and physically! And, to quote Oscar Wilde, "there's one thing worse than people talking about you, that's people not talking about you." Whether Geminis like it or not, people are usually "talking about them". Together with Scorpio and Virgos, they are a sign that is often discussed, dissected and sometimes even put down by the other signs of the zodiac. Sometimes this is a subtle form of jealousy by others, because Geminis do lead very unique and unusual lives. The Gemini personality can appear mysterious or detached to others and therefore they are often misunderstood and unappreciated for the talents they offer to the world at large.

Another reason Geminis evoke so much interest is many born under this sign are multi-dimensionally talented. In money matters, some Geminis are very adept and quick at making it...and spending it too. Many Geminis are involved in international financial wheeling and dealing. They love the adventure and game playing involved in out-thinking other people. Gemini's can be very haphazard about their financial affairs too, with many of them ending up in divorce courts mainly because their partners have become tired of living on the edge of a financial precipice.

The twins' birthday: June 1st

An Excerpt from AJ

The scene changed.
Again, I watched, but was aware. Was aware, but couldn't move.
"Can I sit?"
A grunt. A shaking head.
"Please?"
Feet dangled over an edge of a drop at the top of a grassy hill. A house in the distance. A meadow stretched out in front. Trees lining the edges. Another declining motion.
Two pairs of feet dangled over the edge. "Why not?"
"I just want you to leave me alone." Gaze cast to the side.
A pout. Imploring eyes that matched the sky. Only one head of hair that blew with the wind. "It's not fun being alone."
"I know."
"Then why do you like it?"
Silence.
A small smile. A head leaning on a shoulder. "I know you don't like it here but I think it might be good for you. My mom likes you and wants to help you have a home again. It has to be better than the orphanage."
"I don't know. They leave me alone there, mostly."
A frown. "What about me? Isn't it nice, having a friend?"
"No."
A silence. "Well, that's sad."
Another pause. A shrug.
Two pairs of eyes directed into nothingness.
"I'm sorry you don't like it here. But I do. I wish that life wasn't temporary. But," a small shrug. "I guess that's okay. It'd just be nice to do what I can, while I can. I'd like to see you happy."
The words Leukemia and HIV/AIDS flashed over her head but she didn't seem to notice.
"Why do you care?"
"Well, why not? You've gone through a hard time. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like if my parents…" A slight sniffle.
"Then you're just as much use as the rest of them."
A raised eyebrow. "Just as much use, huh? At least you didn't knock me down because of my condition." A small smile.
A sideways glance. A silence.
"I really am sorry though. I wish I could help you."
"You can't."
"I know."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because everyone needs a friend, whether they think they do or not. Just someone to listen." A shrug.
"I'm not going to spill my guts about how awful I feel about my traumatic past like some heroine in a tragedy, if that's what you want." Eyes shifted back to the distance.
"Are you crazy? Why would I want that?" A nose turned up.
A head turned. Curious eyes. "Really?"
A nod. A smirk. "Really. I want you to spill your guts and tell me all your secrets from before you had guts to spill." A fake evil laugh.
A glare. Just a hint of amusement. "Whatever." Eyes turned away again.
A smile. A head leaning against a shoulder. "I'll get you to crack eventually, you know."
I, or, rather, the me at that time, stiffened at her touch. I looked at her. Her eyes were closed until I did, then they sprung open. She looked at me intently, not with any particular purpose, just looking.
I remembered my thoughts: Eventually? Using what time?
I returned her stare, wondering how she could be so brave. Though her head was close to mine, the only hair that tickled my neck was my own.
Finally, I blinked, still not willing to break the silence that had settled around us, the kind only found in places undisturbed by urban development, but unable to stay still. When I did, she leaned up and kissed me on the cheek, softly. She pulled away slowly. I turned red.
"W-what was that for?" I demanded, pressing my fingertips to my cheek instinctively.
"For luck," she said matter-of-factly, smiling and sitting up.
I swallowed. "If anyone needs luck, it's you." It had to be said. Honestly, she made me feel shameful about my problems and my worries when she had much more imminent ones at the time. She didn't seem to care though. I didn't know how she did it.
She didn't seem to mind what I'd said. I guessed that was because she had already done the impossible, at least to me: she had come to peace with her lot in life, as sucky as it was.
She just shook her head, placidly. "I don't need luck," she whispered, calm and content as ever. "I don't need luck because I don't have a chance. My cards have been dealt and played and now…I'm going home. What's the use of luck when I can't make use of it? But you…you still have cards left in your hand. You haven't played some yet. You…still have a chance." She never dropped her smile as she spoke with much more wisdom than her age should have allowed. Her words never had a hint of sadness in them, or any indication that she was looking for pity.
I blinked. Wet cheeks again. Unworthy, I thought, taking a swipe at myself. I looked at her and broke down in front of her; for her; for both of us. I shattered into a million pieces, unable to be put back together again.
"Harley," I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut.
I opened my eyes.
A pair of brown ones stared back. Concern reflected in them.
Wet cheeks. Ruffling sheets. An aching chest.
I rolled over.
I closed my eyes.
Unworthy.
I tried to go back to sleep.

Some other thoughts...

Of Ouran:

HikaXHaru
TamaXKyo
FOREVAH!

Of FMA:

Tiny miniskirts...*dies of laughter once again* Oh, Travis...your voice when you say that...
Ah the good days.
Back when there was such a thing as "humour" and the plot didn't hit the fan.

Ah jyes...

I miss those days...

#10....*sobs* HUGHES!

*runs off*

And that is all....

Just Exactly How the Twins DID End Up in Massachusetts

My eyes fluttered open and light pressed its way into my vision. In fact, that was all I saw at first. Then I could see a side table drawer and a clock. A clock that was displaying a time a little later than what I would have liked. Stretching and yawning, I waited for the sleepiness to leave my mind. When it did, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Finally awake, I opened them and looked to my right.

I smiled.

He always slept later than me. He probably wouldn’t ever get up before noon if I didn’t wake him. Lying on his side, facing towards me, eyes closed, mouth open, my brother was dead to the world. I smiled and pushed him over so he was on his back. He mumbled something and tried to turn but I held him fast, straddling his waist. Leaning down, I prodded his cheek a few times.

He moaned and began to wake. I sighed. That could take hours. Deciding to try something different, I pinched his side, hard. One yelp and a death glare later, he was finally up and running. He yawned loudly at me and stretched. “What time is it?”

“Time to get up,” I informed him, jumping out of the bed. “We’ve got a plane to catch.”

“It’s our plane,” he rubbed at his eyes. “I’m not catching anything.”

“You’re going to be catching a cold glass of water over the head if you don’t get moving,” I announced, grabbing a shirt to throw on. “Or your tea will be cold.”

He flopped backward. “Nah… I don’t think so.”

I grabbed his hand and yanked him forward, up out of the bed and into my chest. Holding him up, I grinned, “Yes, I think so.”

“Meh,” he grumbled and stood shakily, swaying a little. “Where this time?”

“Small town,” I shrugged. “As usual. Massachusetts, I think. Just for until ‘the commotion dies down’.”

He rolled his brown eyes. I smiled a little. This was the only time I got to see them like that, natural. When we were alone. “How were we supposed to know the tree would fall? It’s not our fault it was old,” he sighed, leaning on the bedpost for support. “I don’t know why they feel the need to send us away all the time.”

I shrugged and grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers with his. “Come on,” I announced, dragging him out the room. “We need to get ready.”

A shower and some food later, I stood in front of him, tying his tie. “So, are you ready?”

He tied mine too. “Just another town.”

“Might be interesting.”

“Maybe.”

“Might be some cute girls.”

He shot me a questioning look then shrugged, pulling my tie a little too tight in silent retaliation.

 “I know how you like to flirt,” I choked out, glaring at him and loosening it.

He tilted his head, smiling. “Yeah,” he nodded. “You’re right. But not too much.”

“Eh,” I shrugged. “You never know.”

“Or do we…” he trailed off. I rolled my eyes at him.

The plane ride over was uneventful. We were on and off relatively fast as we were staying in-country. I didn’t mind. I liked America. I was pretty sure he did too. He seemed content with looking out the window or playing with my fingers most of the plane ride. Or, the three minutes on the plane ride when he was awake. I sat back and looked at him for a while, just letting myself be motionless, yet moving through the air, faster than ever. I liked it, the contradiction.

The lady next to us kept looking at us weird but I didn’t care. I was used to it. I kept my eyes blue since his couldn’t be seen at the moment. I didn’t mind. The ride went fast and we soon landed in a small town in the middle of nowhere, as usual. I shook him awake easier this time.

We walked off the plane, grabbed our suitcases, and waited outside for the car. He sat on his suitcase. I leaned against the wall. The airport was small. We weren’t even in the town yet. It was relatively cold out but I didn’t mind and he didn’t seem to either. The wind blew snow around outside.

“Nothing new,” he muttered.

I looked down at him. “Yet,” I pointed out. “Could be interesting. That’s what you said when we were stuck at the beach house that summer in Florida. Look how that ended up.”

He laughed and stood, slinging an arm around my waist. I leaned into him. “Fair enough,” he nodded. “Maybe they’re will be some extraordinary secret here to discover. A hidden power within.” He wiggled his fingers at me.

I slapped them away and he looked at me, fake-shocked. I laughed and had a go at him again.

The car pulled up and we got in, not having to direct the driver where to go. Not that we had been made aware of our exact location. He leaned his head on my shoulder as we pulled off, watching the snowy countryside fly by in a blur. “Do you really think there might be something interesting here?” he whispered.

“I have no idea,” I murmured. “But that’s half the fun.”

“Why do we have a house here again?” he yawned, burying his face into my shoulder and nuzzling closer to me, arms around my chest. I pulled him closer, glad I wasn’t alone in the middle of a new state. I didn’t recall ever being sentenced to Massachusetts before. Somewhere new. That was something we didn’t get every day.

“Who knows?” I shrugged. “Mum and Sir are weird.”

“They freak out over such small stuff.”

“I know. But we did almost crush all their clients.”

“We stopped it.”

“Barely. We should have been more careful.”

Brown eyes looked up at me. There was a pause. “Yeah, maybe.”

The rest of the ride was spent in mostly silence. Neither of us really wanted to be trapped but we were resigning ourselves to fact that we were. At least for winter holidays. Sooner than I would have thought, the driver announced that we were there. Waking him for a third time that day, we climbed out and stood, looking up at the house in which we would be stuck for a while. It wasn’t much, but it wasn’t too little, either. The driver took our suitcases in and we turned around. The name of the street was fox something.

We blinked and our eyes turned an icy blue, maybe because of the weather and maybe just because of our mood. Hands in our pockets, we were once more in sync. The neighborhood was just like any other suburban street. Nothing special. At least, not from the outside. I looked over at him at the same time he glanced to me. “Here we go again,” I sighed, looking back at the wintry wasteland.

He nodded. “Here we go again.”

Anyways, yeah...*shrugs* Cami wants to borrow them. I figured I'd give them a reason for being there in the first place...you can't tell who's talking and who isn't so um....MWUAHAH! And such. *nods*

Meh

Alice is alone.
And my hand hurts.
And I haven't been on here in forever.
And nobody cares.
And Cinni has a crazy alchemist for a grandpa.
And it's Earth day.
And I'm tired.
And Cami and Lauren are doing stupid homework...and I'm alone...
And nobody gives a crap.
-Alice

Waaaaah...

Mwuahahah...episode 14...when they are all playing kick the can or whatever...
...I didn't notice before but....
RANDOM LINKED PINKIES! SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *runs off before Cami realizes what she just suggested and most likely murders and/or disapproves of her as she did last time I suggested something of that nature*
MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ALICE STRIKES AGAIN! (Although, without photographic proof this time...sadly...)

By the way Cami, are you dead?
I know Ms. McCartney is alive...

Hmmm...shall I have AJ contact you from the beyond?
AJ: ...no. Without...some compensation...
...whatever! *runs off, still smiling happily*

*complete and utter sigh*

The awkward moment when you've been wondering why your stupid Auto-Correct isn't changing your is to Is and you look down at the language, only to find that it, for some inexplicable reason, is set on Italian. You then go to change the setting back to freaking English and your document locks up.

Aren't I so good with technology?

Couldn't resist

I'm really sorry Cami! But uh...I don't know how far you are in the second book and I don't exactly remember how much you get to know in the first so...this may or may not contain a spoiler. I doubt it's one you care about because you don't seem to be interested in Alec at all but...uh...warning.
This girl is a wonderful singer and this song makes me laugh so...here it is:

Waaaaaaaaaah...
-Alice

I know these are blurry...

And suckish...sorry...heheh...anyways, I said I would post them though, so here are my cop-out pictures:

That one makes me sad. And here's number two:

That one's just more of a perspective drawing than anything else.

Uh...yeah. ^^

I don't really know what to say about that so...heheh...I leave now. Bye!

-Alice



Cop-out Pictures

My new thing is, apparently, to draw total cop-out pictures of AJ. Meaning, I never show his face in them, and generally don't show all of his body. Because that's just what I do. I would post them, but, sadly, my iPod cord is in the other room...ha, they suck.
Oh, well. You'll see the angsty pictures later...until then uh...
Oh yeah! I could have sworn that I own the first Mortal Instruments books but I guess NOT...sheesh...
Yeah...this blog post is...pointless...
-Alice

Mary-Sue Test

I've been taking it for my characters...or some of them, anyway...

AJ got a ten, Tori got a five (but I'm convinced this is because she has no personality), Terry got a thirty-five (but I'm convinced it's because a) he's a vampire, b) people like him and c) he had a traumatic past. Sorry, test! That's just his back story!!) and Cinni got a 19.

So far, I guess not too bad of a fail. ^^

Although, some of those questions...*shakes head*

To You

This is for you Cami because you refuse to read anything on Fictionpress and I thought you might like it. Eh well...here it goes:

Never again, never again, will I look into your eyes and see things the way I did

I'm changed for good, for better or worse, so don't try and pull me back down

I'm up in the sky, I fly, I fly

Far away from you

Your darkness, it reaches

Hitting the weak points

In the armour I've built

Just to keep you out

It creeps, and it crawls

It's silent but deadly, it would've captured us all

So far consumed, dragged into your deadly tomb

My mind was warped by your false beauty

But just in time, I saw the light

Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all

But not this time

Not this time

Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't think it's wrong

What you do

To people like me?

Torn, ripped, I cried

Forced away, just in time

I was slipping under, seeing black

Your ink stains on my brain

Even now I dread a relapse

I must keep moving, moving, moving

Faster, faster

Up, up, up

Saving myself

From you

It seemed alright at first

The deeper I got, the less I could see

What was really happening to me

I delved deeper and deeper, relying on you

You were my only source of comfort, my only source of warmth

I couldn't help it

I couldn't see

What you were doing to me

Your smoke and mirrors grabbed me

Lulled me into a false sense of security

And that's when you struck

Your deadly blow directly at my heart

But they looked and they saw

What they did might not have seemed fair

But it saved me from it all

A poisoned beauty, you sit in wait

Waiting for me

To come back, to come knock on your gate

Never again, though, never again

It hurt, and I felt it

They tore you away

It took time, but wounds heal

Never scars, never scars

Running, running, running

Reaching, reaching, reaching

Falling, falling, falling

I soar

Above you

Above this broken world

Above its evil acts

Above the sins, though I'll never be perfect

I can try, can't I?

Up above it all

Don't try to catch me

It can't be done

I'm up here now

Skipping on rainbows

Tasting the clouds

Now I am above it all

Though there you sit

Waiting, hoping, almost begging me to fall

Sometimes my mind, drifts back to that time

The dark ages of my life

I made a mistake

Or two, or three

I just hope everyone can forgive me

I got it wrong

But I'm only human

(As you can clearly see)

My mind, my will, my soul was weak

You hurt me, you turned me against all those I loved

Never again, never again

Will I fall back down that hole

The darkness, it scares me

And I live in fear

Just waiting to hear, playing it by ear

You're calling me back

With a voice, so tempting

Your darkness wraps around me

Like a warm shawl

Amidst this cold night

We call life

A sweet, hypnotizing aroma

You're practically

A brand new drug

I hold on tighter

To those I love

They pulled me

Out of your hold

And now it's my turn

To turn

And look back

Only once, only once

To look you in the eyes

And to say:

Never again

Who

"Who are you?"Said the Caterpillar to Alice
And I say
I don't know
Do you?
"Why not?"
Says the Mad Hatter to Alice
And I say
Because it's just too hard to fly
When no one is there
To make sure
You land safely on the ground
Because no one is there
To make sure that
When lost
You are found
Because I'm not
I am undiscovered
And will continue to be
Unless I can find something
Inside of me
That's worth being seen
So far
There's not much
And people clearly show it
When I speak
No one says anything back
I'm talking to myself
And I guess
That's how you go
A little
bit
mad
Happy for others
Sad just because
Unhappy because I did better
Shameful of past actions
I can't erase
Never quite mad
Too lazy to really care
Much too afraid
To ever
Put myself out
Where people could see
Afraid of what they'll say
Afraid of what they won't
Like they continue to do
Hit ignore
If I died
The world would go on
If I stopped writing
People would continue to sing pointless songs
If I dyed my hair blond
If I said nothing at all
Would it make a difference?
Probably not
So what should I do?
Is that one lump or two?
Where do you go
When there's nowhere to go?
No path less traveled by
Or seemingly
One at all
And you're your biggest problem
When that voice in the back of your head
Whispers things
You can't deny
Because it's right
Pick up a hat
Put it on
Think Oh, that's cute.
The voice will say
It would never look good on you
So, I put it down
What should I say?
It's probably right
Anyway
I hate these questions
With no answers
I hate people who receive
But do not give
I hate myself
For hating others
Who are clearly better than me
For dragging others down
For being around
For bursting out
For interrupting
For being afraid
For being me
And suddenly I'm not
And suddenly I'm happy
And suddenly it doesn't matter
What I thought yesterday
But it does
In a way
At least
That's what some people say
But saying is just saying
Words are only
An arrangement of sounds
Everything is relative
Everything around
Who says that a lamp
Should be called so?
Why can't I call it an orange?
Because someone said?
So what?
I'm calling it an orange now
So what are you going to do?
No one listens
Anyway
Shall I yell at people?
Just to make them hear?
What if this is all a dream?
And you wake up one day
Only to find that your beauty has melted away
All your friends are gone
But in your heart a song
A song left unsung
You don't know where it comes from but
You know nobody will listen
Even if you scream it
But you can't get it out of your head
I feel like that
All the time
The bible says
Down with the rich
And up with the poor
And fine
But why
Do you think
That all people are bad
Just because
They were born with money?
And so
I go
Back and forth
Hate on somebody
Just comes back
To hate on myself
For thinking such things
I hate myself
For thinking
Because thinking leads to questions
And questions want to be answered
And when no answers are present
What are you supposed to do?
I carry with me
So much weight
Of the things
I wish I knew
Like why
Would someone ever think
About things
Like these?
Who says what's beautiful?
Why do you even care?
They open up their mouths to speak
You hang on every word
I try to say something
And you think it's absurd
That I should want to talk
So I form these opinions
About myself
These irrational fears just because
This world is built on observation
And if it happened before
Why should I even try?
I know the result
Or so I think
And so I keep
My mouth closed
Who's going to listen
Anyway?
Then people say
Stop pitying yourself
Go do something
Useful
Like what?
I know what I'm saying
Is the truth
Is it really pity?
That you think you see?
Or just honesty?
We believe these things because without
Our world would fall apart
A broken world
Someone once said
And I believed it true
And still do
Perfect glass walls
Built up so carefully
Over days, months, and years
A whisper would knock them over
And send the world flailing
And falling
But who?
Who would do that?
You?
Me?
Us?
We?
Who?
"Who are you?"
Said the Caterpillar to Alice
And I said
I didn't know
Because I'm scared
Because I don't know where to go
I know I'm young
And you say there's time
But how do you know?
I've accomplished nothing yet
I know nothing about the world
Just wait and see
You'll eventually see
What you're going to be
But what if I want to know now?
Is that selfish?
Is that shellfish?
Who's really to say?
But still
I wish I knew these things
I wish I knew the words
That would make people
Listen
To make me worth
Something
To make my words
Count
Before times runs out
To be more than
Second
I wish that I could listen
I wish I was brave
Enough to go deep inside
I wish I knew what that meant
I wish I could stop questioning it
I wish I knew what was wrong
I wish with all my heart
That I could hear
My own song
Everything I do
Seems to belong to two
Never just to me
And when it does
Belong to me
It's worth
Less than nothing
They say
It's easy to take more
Than nothing
But almost impossible to take
Less than nothing
I think I've lost my muchness
If I ever had any at all
Sadly
It's hidden behind that wall
Which seemed so breakable at first
But now I know
What a challenge
This whole world has become
I wish I was still a child
Some days
To run around
And romp and play
And not to wonder
And some days I wish
I was grown
That I was on my own
Free to do what I want
But I know
It will never happen
I take only what I've got
Which, right now
Must not be a lot
I know some day
I'll have to take that leap
I'll have to take off
My happy face mask
I'll have to stop acting
And become who
I pretend to be
I'll have to stop being afraid
I'll have to try to fly
Whether someone is there
To catch me or not
I'll have to conquer
The voice in my head
That whispers nasty things
Like
She only said that
Because she had to
And
You'll never be
Worth anything
But I'm not quite there
First I must break down these walls
First I must learn to see
To use what's around me
To form my opinions
And make them be heard
First to crawl
Then to walk
Then to run
Then to fly
To be free
To be me
The me I don't know
The me
Who
Hopefully
Is worth more
Than just some questions
That have no answers
Some empty promises
And a whole lot of fear
But not today
Maybe not in a year
Because
After all
Who would be around
To hear?
Should it matter to me?
Should it not?
When will it stop?
Should I stop?
Why?
Why not?
I guess I need to learn
To say
Not why?

Maybe this will make you smile

Oh, Tamaki-senpai.

Heeeeeeeey...

Hey, hey AJ. Hey. Hey, AJ. Hey *poke* Hey AJ, hey. Hey, hey, hey *consistent poking* AJ. Hey, AJ...AJ Hey AJ. AJ, hey, hey-

AJ: OH MY GOSH WHAT DO YOU WANT????

Hi AJ-chan. *waves*

AJ: T.T Please don't use that Japanese crap on my name.

I'll take that as a good, so I need your help! *pouts*

AJ: *looking at me*

*wide eyes*

AJ: *still looking*

*Honey face*

AJ: *facepalm* What?

Wanna help me name Nameless Guy because nobody care anymore?

AJ: No. You know I can't remember names...*turns away*

Aaaaaaaaawwwwwww...but we can't name him Darren! We already named HIM Darren!

Darren: *waves from where he's sitting on my couch* 'sup?

AJ: Why don't you just name him his real name?

BeCAUSE nobody cares so I figure I'll rename him!!!

AJ: But I-

*drags him off* Come on! Let's go!

AJ: Where???

To the book store to buy a book of baby names!

AJ: Wait! Why are you taking ME??? GAH!

*at the book store*

Store lady: Oh...what an...interesting....young couple you two are.

AJ: WHAT???? EW! NO!

SL: But you're looking at baby name books-

We're just naming my drawing. *glares at AJ* Don't get any funny ideas.

AJ: ME? You're the one who dragged me here!!!

SL: Aw...is it girl or a boy?

Both of us: HUH?

Do I LOOK pregnant to you?

SL: Well...

HOW DARE YOU! *slap*

AJ: *pulls me away* Just drop it...we can just get some off the Internet...

But...but...but...

SL: Good luck...with...the...custody...laws...and...such...

AJ: *turns red* *drags me away*

*back at the Boredom corner*

AJ: Why don't you just name him John?

T.T You're so uncreative. You'll be a terrible husband.

AJ: Well! *throws hands up* What do you expect? You kidnapped me!

Oh well...so...look...which one do you like best?

AJ: Why am I involved in this?

Because *cradles picture* this picture relates to you (HINT FREAKIN HINT).

AJ: OH gosh...*facepalm* *hand dragging down face* Right...sure...

So...*points at screen* Hmmm?

AJ: I like that one better. *points*

Okay! Now, I'll completely disregard your opinion and name him what I want! Bye! *skips off*

AJ: T.T I really hate her.

Twins: *appear* *hug him* But you love us, don't you?

AJ: Aaaaaaaargh...

I love these kinds of things...

You should try it Cami!!!!

1 Todd

2. Virgil

3. Till

4 Wrevor

5. AJ

6. Terry

7. Salem

8. Sam

9. Tori

10. Cinni

What would you do if Number 1 (Todd) woke you up in the middle of the night?

Todd. If this is not something extremely important. I. AM GOING. TO HURT YOU.

Todd: Can Ace stay over?

*sigh* *holds up finger* *deep breath* NO.

Number 3 (Till) walked into the bathroom while you're showering?

GET OUT OF HERE YOU COMPLETE MORON!

Till: xD

Wrevor: Don’t you want to see our new blackmail?

LEAVE!

Twins: *run off*

Number 5 (AJ) cooked you dinner?

AJ: Why am I always the one cooking?

Because…you’re easily pressured into things?

AJ: No I’m not.

Um…so…what are making?

AJ: Hamburger Helper.

Why am I not surprised?

Number 6 (Terry) was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?

…I have no longing to die. *gets up and walks away* *bring back Sam* *drops him next to him* *walks off nonchalantly*

Number 7 (Salem) suddenly confessed to be part of your family?

DREAM. COME. TRUE.

Salem: Um…?

Number 8 (Sam) got into the hospital somehow?

*looks at him sideways*

Sam: What’s that look for? I cut myself cooking!

Suuuuuuuuuure you did…

Number 9 (Tori) made fun of your friends?

Mr. Grinch? Why? Why did you steal our tree? *looks down* Oh wait. Wrong script.

Tori: *sigh* We’re doing Mean Girls, remember?

Number 10 (Cinni) ignored you all the time?

Listen…we have to finish this novel. This won’t work.

Cinni: *sticks nose up*

WE’LL GET TO THAT SCENE EVENTUALLY! We just have to get through THIS first!

Cinni: *turns away*

*sigh*

Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 (Todd) do?

Todd: Er…call 911?

*facepalm* My hero…

You're on a vacation with 2 (Virgil) and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do?

Virgil: Uh…do you want me to turn into a dog and lick it better?

I DON’T THINK IT WORKS LIKE THAT BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER.

It's your birthday. What does 3 (Till) get you?

Till: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Wrevor: I also got that too (stupid question).

*opens box* *glitter explodes in my face* Gee. Thanks.

Twins: You’re welcome!

You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 (Wrevor) do?

Twins: *pull fire extinguisher out of nowhere* SEXY FIREMEN TO THE RESCUE!

*facepalm*

You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 (AJ) do?

AJ: Crap…where’d I put that video camera?

 You're about to marry number 10 (Cinni). What's 1's (Todd) reaction?

Todd: *facepalm*

How will this work if you’re not talking to me?

Cinni: *shrugs*

You got dumped by someone. How will 7 (Salem) cheer you up?

Salem: Um…*looks around* I…uh…*hug*

Thanks…

You compete in a tournament. How does 9 (Tori) support you?

Tori: WOO YEAH GO TEAM I HATE SPORTS WHERE’S THE PRETZELS WOO YEAH! *waving pom-poms*

Ooooh, dear…

 You can't stop laughing. What will 10 (Cinni) do?

Cinni: …*starts laughing too*

This is….helping….nothing!

Cinni: Oh…well!

Number 1 (Todd) is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?

…

…

…

…

…

…

I

…

Don’t know how to respond to that.

…

Um….yeah…

You're dating 3 (Till) and he/she introduces you to her parents. Would you get along?

Till: Don’t give it away early!

Why did I agree to this?

Wrevor: Shut up! And don’t blow it?

*facepalm* Argh…

Will number 5 (AJ) and 6 (Terry) ever kiss?

Doubtful…but….still…um…

Only if AJ was, like, questioning his sexuality. Terry does stuff like that for people.

Sam: T.T

Shut up. It’s just being nice!

Sam: T.T

Number 6 (Terry) appears to be a player, breaking many hearts. What do you do?

Terry??? *slaps him* SNAP OUT OF IT.

Terry: STOP FRIGGING PUT SO MUCH STRESS ON ME!

You had a haircut and 7 (Salem) can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind?

Weird…I just got a haircut. What’s with Salem? Is Cinni behind me? Probably. *checks* I have learned well.

Number 8 (Sam) thinks he/she’ll never get a girl/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her?

*facepalm*

Sam: Um…

Terry: *sigh*

Number 9 (Tori) is too shy to face you and confesses their love by sending an email. Now what?

…*types in Virgil’s name* *send* No more girl love in this!

You spot 10 kissing 1. How do you react?

Cinni kissing Todd?

This quiz is getting out of hand.

*shoves them apart*

GET AHOLD OF YOURSELVES! *slap, slap*

Would 2 (Virgil) trust 5 (AJ)?

 Virgil: Um…what’s with your hair?

AJ: Don’t make me kill you.

Virgil: *shuffles off*

Number 4 (Wrevor) is bored and pokes 10 (Cinni). What happens after that?

Cinni: POKE WAR! *war cry*

Twins: BRING IT ON!

*runs for life*

If 6 (Terry) and 3 (Till) cooked dinner what would they make?

Terry: No. You are not allowed to put glitter in the cookies.

Till: But…but…

Wrevor: It’ll make ‘em prettier!

Terry: Too bad.

8 (Sam) gives 5 (AJ) a haircut. Is that okay?

Sam: Um…what…?

AJ: Don’t. Ask.

9 (Tori) sketches what 6's (Terry) perfect girl/boyfriend should look like; will 6 be happy?

Terry: *sigh* Why are you intent on taking the role of protective father?

Tori: *crosses arms* What else do I have to do with my life?

10 (Cinni) and 9 (Tori) are blushing while they talk. What is their conversation about?

Tori: So…gonna forget that whole rubber duck incident ever happened?

Cinni: Yes.

*both walk away briskly*

1 (Todd) accidentally kicked 10 (Cinni)?

Cinni: Ow!

Todd: Oh…sorry…I was just think about…um…*turns bright red*

*sigh*

2 (Virgil) sent a message to his/her Bf/Gf but 9 (Tori) got it. What would happen?

GEE. I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF IT REACHED THE RIGHT PERSON. FLAILING? PROBABLY.

5 (AJ) and 6 (Terry) did a workout together?

Terry: So…about that earlier question…

AJ: DON’T SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.

6 (Terry) noticed he/she wasn't invited to your birthday?

Terry: What?

Do you want to be tackleglomped to death?

Terry: …no.

Exactly.

7 (Salem) won the lottery?

Salem: *burns the ticket* NOT AGAIN.

8 (Sam) had quite a big secret?

Terry: *pokes him* Tell me.

Sam: OKAY, I CONFESS.

Why was it that easy?

9 (Tori) became a singer?

….could be worse.

What would 1 (Todd) think of 2 (Virgil)?

Todd: No much.

Virgil: Gee, thanks.

How would 3 (Till) greet 4 (Wrevor)?

Till: Greet?

Wrevor: When did I leave?

What would 4 (Wrevor) envy about 5 (AJ)?

Wrevor: How do you get your hair to stay up like that?

AJ: Why are all these about my hair???

What dream would 5 (AJ) have about 6 (Terry)?

…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH….

What do 6 (Terry) and 7 (Salem) have in common?

Dark hair?

What would make 7 (Salem) angry at 8 (Sam)?

Salem: What did you tell her I thought???

Sam: *gulp* Um…

What would 9 (Tori) never dare to tell 10 (Cinni)?

Tori: I’m actually you from an alternate dimension.

Cinni: What?

Tori: Nothing.

What would make 10 (Cinni) scared of 1 (Todd)?

Cinni: AH GIANT WORD!

Todd: *sigh*

How do you feel right now?

LOL, Terry and AJ?