Who

"Who are you?"Said the Caterpillar to Alice
And I say
I don't know
Do you?
"Why not?"
Says the Mad Hatter to Alice
And I say
Because it's just too hard to fly
When no one is there
To make sure
You land safely on the ground
Because no one is there
To make sure that
When lost
You are found
Because I'm not
I am undiscovered
And will continue to be
Unless I can find something
Inside of me
That's worth being seen
So far
There's not much
And people clearly show it
When I speak
No one says anything back
I'm talking to myself
And I guess
That's how you go
A little
bit
mad
Happy for others
Sad just because
Unhappy because I did better
Shameful of past actions
I can't erase
Never quite mad
Too lazy to really care
Much too afraid
To ever
Put myself out
Where people could see
Afraid of what they'll say
Afraid of what they won't
Like they continue to do
Hit ignore
If I died
The world would go on
If I stopped writing
People would continue to sing pointless songs
If I dyed my hair blond
If I said nothing at all
Would it make a difference?
Probably not
So what should I do?
Is that one lump or two?
Where do you go
When there's nowhere to go?
No path less traveled by
Or seemingly
One at all
And you're your biggest problem
When that voice in the back of your head
Whispers things
You can't deny
Because it's right
Pick up a hat
Put it on
Think Oh, that's cute.
The voice will say
It would never look good on you
So, I put it down
What should I say?
It's probably right
Anyway
I hate these questions
With no answers
I hate people who receive
But do not give
I hate myself
For hating others
Who are clearly better than me
For dragging others down
For being around
For bursting out
For interrupting
For being afraid
For being me
And suddenly I'm not
And suddenly I'm happy
And suddenly it doesn't matter
What I thought yesterday
But it does
In a way
At least
That's what some people say
But saying is just saying
Words are only
An arrangement of sounds
Everything is relative
Everything around
Who says that a lamp
Should be called so?
Why can't I call it an orange?
Because someone said?
So what?
I'm calling it an orange now
So what are you going to do?
No one listens
Anyway
Shall I yell at people?
Just to make them hear?
What if this is all a dream?
And you wake up one day
Only to find that your beauty has melted away
All your friends are gone
But in your heart a song
A song left unsung
You don't know where it comes from but
You know nobody will listen
Even if you scream it
But you can't get it out of your head
I feel like that
All the time
The bible says
Down with the rich
And up with the poor
And fine
But why
Do you think
That all people are bad
Just because
They were born with money?
And so
I go
Back and forth
Hate on somebody
Just comes back
To hate on myself
For thinking such things
I hate myself
For thinking
Because thinking leads to questions
And questions want to be answered
And when no answers are present
What are you supposed to do?
I carry with me
So much weight
Of the things
I wish I knew
Like why
Would someone ever think
About things
Like these?
Who says what's beautiful?
Why do you even care?
They open up their mouths to speak
You hang on every word
I try to say something
And you think it's absurd
That I should want to talk
So I form these opinions
About myself
These irrational fears just because
This world is built on observation
And if it happened before
Why should I even try?
I know the result
Or so I think
And so I keep
My mouth closed
Who's going to listen
Anyway?
Then people say
Stop pitying yourself
Go do something
Useful
Like what?
I know what I'm saying
Is the truth
Is it really pity?
That you think you see?
Or just honesty?
We believe these things because without
Our world would fall apart
A broken world
Someone once said
And I believed it true
And still do
Perfect glass walls
Built up so carefully
Over days, months, and years
A whisper would knock them over
And send the world flailing
And falling
But who?
Who would do that?
You?
Me?
Us?
We?
Who?
"Who are you?"
Said the Caterpillar to Alice
And I said
I didn't know
Because I'm scared
Because I don't know where to go
I know I'm young
And you say there's time
But how do you know?
I've accomplished nothing yet
I know nothing about the world
Just wait and see
You'll eventually see
What you're going to be
But what if I want to know now?
Is that selfish?
Is that shellfish?
Who's really to say?
But still
I wish I knew these things
I wish I knew the words
That would make people
Listen
To make me worth
Something
To make my words
Count
Before times runs out
To be more than
Second
I wish that I could listen
I wish I was brave
Enough to go deep inside
I wish I knew what that meant
I wish I could stop questioning it
I wish I knew what was wrong
I wish with all my heart
That I could hear
My own song
Everything I do
Seems to belong to two
Never just to me
And when it does
Belong to me
It's worth
Less than nothing
They say
It's easy to take more
Than nothing
But almost impossible to take
Less than nothing
I think I've lost my muchness
If I ever had any at all
Sadly
It's hidden behind that wall
Which seemed so breakable at first
But now I know
What a challenge
This whole world has become
I wish I was still a child
Some days
To run around
And romp and play
And not to wonder
And some days I wish
I was grown
That I was on my own
Free to do what I want
But I know
It will never happen
I take only what I've got
Which, right now
Must not be a lot
I know some day
I'll have to take that leap
I'll have to take off
My happy face mask
I'll have to stop acting
And become who
I pretend to be
I'll have to stop being afraid
I'll have to try to fly
Whether someone is there
To catch me or not
I'll have to conquer
The voice in my head
That whispers nasty things
Like
She only said that
Because she had to
And
You'll never be
Worth anything
But I'm not quite there
First I must break down these walls
First I must learn to see
To use what's around me
To form my opinions
And make them be heard
First to crawl
Then to walk
Then to run
Then to fly
To be free
To be me
The me I don't know
The me
Who
Hopefully
Is worth more
Than just some questions
That have no answers
Some empty promises
And a whole lot of fear
But not today
Maybe not in a year
Because
After all
Who would be around
To hear?
Should it matter to me?
Should it not?
When will it stop?
Should I stop?
Why?
Why not?
I guess I need to learn
To say
Not why?